Texas Mom

I know it has been a long time......

2006-10-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I want to start out by updating because it has been forever since I have and someome might actually read this that I have not talked to in a while.
I was trying to go into the Army but due to the history of Bronchitis I am a "medical discard". I quit TDCJ but I am trying to get back on because working as an Instructional Assistant Substitute, is not making the bills.
My daughter is 10 yrs old now and in 5th grade.....how time does fly.
My son is 3 1/3 yrs old and in Pre-K at a private school in my area.
I am currently going through a divorce. Hopefully it will stay koshure and not get messy. I am really seriously hoping and praying about that. I am pretty sure it will be final before Christmas this year if we agree on everything.
Well, that's really all there is to tell about me!
Hugz!!

Relay For Life

2006-04-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

I am asking everyone I know to donate to the Relay for Life. A little girl name Ashleigh passed away March 29th and her death pushed me into action. I am participating in the Relay for Life this year in her memory. To donate to the American Cancer Association click on the title of this blog and it will take you to my donation page. I would appreciate any donations you are able to give. Thank you.
I normally do not post things like this but, it is for such a good cause, I had to this once.

I miss everyone from the Playgroup board. I just don't have time to keep up with it anymore.
Love you all!!!!

Hey People I Am Back To The Land Of The Living!!

2006-03-14T04:12:00.000-08:00

I just created a page on my space. http://spaces.msn.com/flowryname/lists/?_c02_owner=1
I have 12 lbs left to loose to go into the Army. The kids are doing fine. They are behaving themselves. I am working as a Correctional Officer still. I am behaving myself, for the most part. Anyway just wanted to update a little.
Talk to ya'll later!! Miss you!

Been A Month

2006-01-10T02:11:00.000-08:00

I thought I should update, since it has been so long since I have.
I am still working as a Correctional Officer and things are still the same as far as me being seperated goes....Living in a seperate house. I have the kids on my 4 off days and he has them at night when I work and his mother helps out alot. I am getting used to it now and I am getting back to being satisfied with my life and who I am. I am exercising to loose weight. I have not gained anymore or lost anymore weight which is ok. I would rather say I haven't gained or lost than gained it all back. I was not about to exercise at all this past four days when I worked. That is normally when I go running. So my life has not changed to much..well, it has and I am getting stronger as a person, mentally. I have finally realized there is really nothing I can't handle, except for needles and the sight of my own blood, well and vertically ladders.....big hairy spiders and if my kids get hurt really bad.
I have been talking to someone, a friend, everyday for the past few days........that's all I am going to say about that except my life no longer feels like it is an illusion like it did back in September. I feel like that is an enormous step. I am getting on with my life, the best ways I know how...........hope to hear from you.........I miss going to the Playgroup board but, I check in from time to time to see what is going on. Martha, thank you for the Christmas Card, it made me cry, it was so sweet of you to think of me and Alex is growing like a weed.
Well, till next time.......hope to hear from you. My email address is lillie.lawrence@sbcglobal.net =)

I can not believe it has been a whole month! Dannnngg!I'm slow!

2005-12-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been really busy. My MIL has the kids 4 days a week while I work and, so, I run. I have been trying to run 2 miles, 4 days a week. Now that I have started I did not realize how much I loved to run but, I do. I am eating right, which is difficult during the holidays. Saturday is going to be the most difficult because that is when we are having our Christmas at my Mom's. I am pretty excited though. I will see my neice and nephew after not having seen them for a few weeks(sad, we live in the same town but, I never get to see them because I am always so busy with work and basically sleeping and running on the days that I work on my days off I try to spend as much time with my kids as humanly possible).
So, I am still working at the Prison. Hating it but, it's a job and somebody has to do do it and the pay is not really that bad either.
I don't know if I said it before on here or not so I will just go right ahead and say it, I am joining the army sometime before the end of March. I have not taken the ASVAB yet or gone to Meps but, as long as I pass the physical and the written(ASVAB). I should be able to get in.
I am actually excited. The most difficult thing will be leaving my kids but, I want to do something for myself that will make me proud of me so, this is what I am going to do, there is no talking me out of it either so, just try and be supportive.
Most of my friends here in town know and I have 2 that won't speak to me at all because of it. They think I do not love my kids and I am abandoning them. The way I look at it, is the Army is a job. I can make a career out of it and that is what I plan to do. The kids can be with me after I get out of basic and finish my training for the job I want to do. Anyway, I guess I will type more later. I have to go pick up a few Christmas Presents.

If I don't write until after then,

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

No Cake For Me!

2005-11-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

I gained a few lbs back but, I am not beating myself up about it. I went to the doctor to have a check up about my foot and, stepped on the scale and I have gained 3 lbs back. Noooo! Oh well, like I said, I am not going to beat myself up about it.
So, I need to loose about 33 lbs then. No biggie.

Tonight my sister is renewing her wedding vows and I will be singing. I am singing "Because You Love Me" by Celine Dion. I am really excited well, excited and sad to cause I am singing-something I love to do but, I can't have any cake-booooo!
Back to my sister, she is so happy that they are renewing their vows. See my BIL cheated on my sister and they are staying together and they were going to renew their vows next year on their 5 year anniversary but, since this happened(he cheated)they agreed that they wanted everyone to know that they still love each other and they want to work through this.

Keith is still in rehab in Argyle, Texas and, is doing well, well I think he is, no one will tell me anything so, no news is good news, hopefully.
My son went to be with his Nana yesterday and, My daughter will be picked up by her tomorrow from school so they can see Keith Saturday. My daughter is sooo happy! I am happy for her. I can not afford the gas and my MIL did not invite me so I will go in December when I have the gas money to go and, money to stay in a hotel for a night.

Also, I have been hanging out at Hastings Coffee shop for the past couple of days. It is very relaxing to go there after I drop my daughter off at school and just sit and relax and read a book.

Well, I will update again really soon......

I spent most of the day in the ER yesterday....

2005-10-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

...I was at inservice and walked down the steps to get a water bottle from my car and twisted my ankle, fell and heard a "snnnnaaaappp!" when all my weight went down on the left side of my left foot. There were about six people who were standing on the porch outside of the training building where we had our inserve, only one said that he saw me fall.
I was holding onto the rail so I was not engaging in an unsafe act or anything. So at 10:30 am I got to the ER and I left at 2:40 pm. With a huge ortho shoe and a wrap around my foot and cruthes. I should be up and around on it with my full weight in about a week if I follow the doctor's orders. So, in essences, I sprained my foot.

Keith spent time in the ER this past week. As a matter of fact he just checked out of the hospital today and went home. His mom is taking care of him. He will have our son until Monday, tomorrow night our daughter will go to spend the night over there and Ann(mil) will put her on the bus Monday. He was in the hospital after loosing 2 pints of blood(your body only has 5 pints) he had to have 2 transfusions.
He will be going to rehab up near Fort Worth on Monday. My MIL and him are taking our son up there and MIL and son will stay in a hotel for a night. They will come back on Wed.

I am out at my parents doing laundry and thought I would update. Unfortunately, I am on crutches so, I can not exercise like I want to so, I will be eating less and healthier so I will not gain any weight back.

Talk atch ya'll later!!

Quick Quick Update!

2005-10-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Still exercising! Loosing more weight.

Might be getting a roommate, not sure yet.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Gotta go do laundry at my Mom's now!

Hugs to all!!

Everything is still about the same...

2005-10-17T01:19:00.000-07:00

I work tonight so H is with Mamaw and Papaw and, Cody is with my MIL going back to Palestine, Texas as we speak. Keith is "playing games". Hiding down in the woods and drinking and his mom said that she will be back when he is serious about rehab. Through all of this I know I am wrong for what I have done but, he has had this drinking problem even before I married him so, they can no longer blame his drinking on me like in the past.
I was so angry the other day at him I did not want to see him or speak to him at all. I will not go into detail on that but, I will say that it involved the kids and they will not be at the house alone with him until he goes to rehab because Hope should not have to take care of her little brother all day long.
Ok, well, gotta go. I have lost some more weight though. I am down to 168lbs and still loosing!

Yeeehaaawww!!

Hey!

2005-10-11T01:21:00.000-07:00

I am on here today and so I guess I will update. Things are pretty much the same. I have a trailor that is 9 miles out of town. I have just gotten things rearranged so the trailor doesn't look so junky, just last night.
I have gotten back into painting again. My favorite medium is watercolor. I am exercising daily as well. I half jogged half walked 2 miles today. I want to get to where I jog the whole 2 miles a day but, that will take some time.
Anyway, I just wanted to update and say that the kids are staying with K on the days I work and then when I am off I will have them the 4 days.
I messed up and did something morally wrong which has pretty much killed our marriage.

Well, that's that. I updated. Gotta run!

Thank you for your support!!

Alot Has Happened

2005-10-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well, since I last posted I moved out of my house and today I just paid this month's rent and deposit for a trailor of my own. I have been living with friends and seeing the kids when I can.
My Mother in Law changed the locks on the house, well it is her house but, if the kids are there I can go over there whenever I want regardless of if she feels "I am no longer welcome at the house." That is what Keith said she told him.
I just wanted to give a quick little update and say I am sorry for not posting sooner but, I have had alot on my plate.

Lillie

Still Dieting and Exercising

2005-09-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I start week 3 of my diet and exercise regimen. I am going jogging some mornings. Basically however I can get some exercise, I am getting it. Last night at about 9:30pm I went and played basketball with a few friends from work. We beat the other team 10-8.
I am normally doing two aerobic workouts per day. Yesterday morning, I went running at the track and ran about 1/4 mile. I know that is not a lot but, when you realize I could not have ran 1/8 less than a month ago because of the pressure my weight was putting on my knees, you would be proud of me :)
I had 2 cups of raisin bran for supper last night. Oh the other girls who rode with me bought supper at Jack In The Box(hamburgers, fries, soda)but, even when they offered me a french frie I said no thank you. I was so proud of myself.
The one thing I miss is making homemade chocolate milk. With that Hersey's chocolate syrup. Mmmmmhhh. I love that stuff. I almost bought some, then I didn't :) SO PROUD OF ME!!

I will do aerobics once today since I did all that exercise yesterday.

What Kind Of Dog Are You?

2005-09-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/atplay/dogbreedtest.jsp

Take the test to see.

I am a 6-10:
Rottweiler. Sit fella sit! And pick on someone your own size.

Not One Push Up

2005-09-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

I tried to do pushups this morning. I realize I can not even do ONE! My upper body is so weak. I am going to keep trying throughout the day until I at least do one(now I am talking about pushups that are not girl pushups but, the ones that are boy pushups where your legs are all the way up).
I will focus on trying to do more each day physically.

I did Aerobics at 2pm yesterday but, I still need to be able to do pushups.

A New Day

2005-09-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

No particular reason for this picture, I just saw it and really liked it. I love art and it conveys something to me that suits me. It is colorful and mysterious.

As everyone has already realized, today is a new day. It is Wednesday September 14, 2005. Today I will finish laundry, yahh I am thrilled to do laundry. I will clean my kitchen and go through H's room and get rid of a lot of toys. She is grounded for the next few days since I had a conference with her teachers and they told me all of the WONDERFUL things she is doing at school like arguing with teachers and students, not staying on task, getting up and going across the room without permission...to name just a few.
We had a very long talk last night, she did her chores and I discussed her punishment with her. We talked about her staying on task at school and not worrying about what the other kids are doing, focus on herself. I told her before dh took her to school(because mom did not wake up till after 7am-therefore H missed the bus-because mom did not go to bed till almost 3am cause she was watching American Pie-a movie she had never seen until last night-and comming to the realization that what a friend of hers said was true, she is like band girl)that I know that she can make good choices and punishment comes when we make bad choices.
Ok now two days ago I set a goal to loose weight, I know I have lost weight. How much, that is the question. I do not know exactl how much I started out weighing but, I know it was over 190lbs. I think I will go and buy a new bathroom scale today.
I am going to lay down and get back up just before 10 a.m. That is when Gilad's Total Body Sculpt comes on.
I want Fit TV to be the channel I watch the most from now on. Well, see you guys later.

Exercise

2005-09-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

This morning I set a new goal to be at least 10lbs lighter by October 12, 2005.
I went to the track to vary my exercise routine. Yes I have a an exercise routine. :)
I normally do aerobics on my four days off whenever my schedule allows, I do aerobics on the days I work, in the afternoon before I shower to get ready for work(basically if someone were to get up in the morning and do aerobics before showering to go to work, same thing).
I want to increase my exercise regimen. I want to see exactly what my body can do. Not just what I know it can do.
I do want to have a healthy limit so I do not over do it but, I also want to push myself to go beyond where I have been.
I want to have a small waist, hips and thighs. I am tired of looking like an overweight mother.
I want to look the way I feel.

So, October 12, 2005 -10lbs lighter(at least, if not more)

I am already loosing weight and have had several people tell me I have but, I want to loose weight for me. No one else. I am going to be realistic and set a realistic goal for a change.

My aerobics include Denise Austin in the morning with her fit and light exercise and in the afternoon Gilad's Bodies In Motion workout.

When Keith gets home I ask him to watch the kids so I can go hiking down on the property we live on(30 acres).

I might never look like this again:

But I can get just as close as possible to looking like that picture. It is really the best picture of me that I have. Well, I do sort of wish I had picked a different dress, not an 80's reject. My hair looked good, I was tanning because I played sand volleyball everyday for a month.
Ok little history on the picture though, I am leaning because I have one of those huge shoes on, you know the ones people wear after foot surgery? I ran down hill to put water in my water bottle and fell, all of my weight landed on my foot. They ex-rayed and found that I had a few small bones broken in the side of my foot. So, My crutches were off to your right in the picture and the girl on my right was holding me up. It was my last year of camp. This was a month long camp in Kerrville Texas. It was amazing. Ok anyway so I weighed about 120 lbs in that picture. I would love to weigh that again but, I am just shooting for 10 lbs lighter by October 12th.

I know I will reach and exceed my goal!!

My Friend

2005-09-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

My Friend Mark is leaving today. He is going to Georgia, Peru, then back to Georgia and then to Alabama to go back to work.
I did not post a picture of him before. Here it is.

I spent some time with him but, not as much as I wanted to because of my jealous husband.
If you read this, Mark, I will be praying for a safe trip for you and your friend.

An Old Friend

2005-09-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have this friend that I have known since I was about 19 years old. He was my neighbor for a long time. I met him first, thought he was kindof cute and then found out he had a girlfriend, well actually a fiance. I was dating someone seriously anyway. I met her, Dorothy, and we became close friends.
I would go to their house and just talk talk talk to her. She was a very sweet person, well I thought anyway. She was crazy, who knew? She was pg at the time and they were fixing up a trailor, I remember helping her paint it blue and white on the inside. We go paint I think everywhere but the walls. We had a blast. It was something out of one of those silly movies where people paint each other(get your mind out of the gutter, there was nothing kinky going on!!).
She would tell me stories about Mark and I would tell her stories about Steve(my exboyfriend now of course, I am married!). Just good friends. Well, Mark and her got married. I think I was even the maid of honor. For some reason, I can not remember where they got married. I just can't remember it. I have no clue why.
Ok, so Mark Jr. was born. What a perfect baby boy. He was 5 weeks old and I don't remember exactly what happened but, he died. I think the doctors said from SIDS.
I think that pretty much killed Mark and Dorothy's marriage. I think it was a rocky relationship anyway, in my point of view, it was anyway. So, after Mark Jr.'s death and burial(that was the saddest funeral I have ever been to, they pulled the casket out and everyone just started bawling-Dorothy did not want them to lay him in the ground either, that was the hardest part, it was a military funeral as well, which made things even more difficult)Mark and Dorothy went back into the military(Army). They got stationed in Germany on the same base. They were lucky.
Well, I heard things from Mark's mom that they were not getting along. Then I heard about the divorce.
Mark met someone else. Then I heard about his remarrying.
Well, He blew into town yesterday and I took the kids to meet him. We went to McD's and the kids ate and played at the PlayPlace while Mark and I talked. I think we talked there about 2 hours and left and he followed me to my house where he helped Keith figure out if our AC units were grounded or not they talked of GCIF's.
GFCI is A Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter is a safety device to protect against electrical shock by cutting off the flow of electricity when there is even a slight stray of current leakage.
Mark is an electrician in the Army he works on army helicopters.
He lives in Korea(I can not remember if he said north or south Korea, I am a terrible friend!)!

This is a picture of a home and a garden in Korea.
Well, I am supposed to call him today around 9am or 10am so we can get together but, I did not go to bed until 3am so I may call to tell him that I would rather get together with him this afternoon or something. I am sooooo sleepy but, I want to spend time with him because I have not seen him in over 4 years.

I can not remember what this is a picture of but thought it was very pretty so wanted to put it on here

I do not have a picture of him but plan to take some with the digital camera so I may have one to post later on.
Well, guess that is all but, I am very excited about talking to him again cause he is just so interesting.
Also, he just recently divorced again(the girl he met right after his first divorce in Germany apparently that didn't work out to well).
He is in town for 5 days and then goes to Alabama for a 2 week class, then to Peru for a vacation then back to Korea.
Just a little info on Peru:
http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/peru/native.htm
Just a little info about Korea:
http://www.koreainfogate.com/

H and C started afterschool care this week.

2005-08-30T13:35:00.000-07:00
I took them to a wonderful place that I know of and well, it's really 2 year old's through 4rth grader's school but, I work 6pm-6am and have to be at turn out at or before 5:30pm but, if I leave right at 5pm I will not make it on time so, K and I decided to take H and C to daycare for 30 a day, each day I work. So far, it has only been for 2 days but, this week they will go 4 days for 30 min in the afternoon.
I thought it was a wonderful idea. That way I am not dropping them off at K's office and it doesn't look bad to his boss and at the same time, I am getting to work on time.
It is only $50 for both kids per month. I thought that was an excellent deal.
Well, gotta go to bed and take a nap for a while but, I will be up at around 4:30a.m.
Night night.

*~*~Find Out Your Fairy Name~*~*

2005-08-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

Photo taken from here.

Here is the link to find your fairy name:
http://www.emmadavies.net/fairy/

My fairy name is Bramble Icetree

She is a bone chilling bringer of justice for the vulnerable.

She lives in leafy dells and bluebell glades.She is only seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.

She wears bluebell-blue dresses.

She has icy blue butterfly wings.

Researching The Mormon Church

2005-08-25T08:37:00.000-07:00
Matthew 24:24 For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible.

Mark 13:22 For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform signs and miracles to deceive the elect—if that were possible.

At one time, about 4 or 5 years ago, I thought to myself, my friend Jennifer is the most honest person I have ever met, I was not happy in my own faith, not totally happy, I was at that time, still adhereing to my own Carnal nature but, did not fully realize it. These scriptures would best describe me at the time:

Philippians 3:17-19
17. Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample.
18. (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ:
19. Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)

Basically, I was the blind and I was seeking the counsel of my best friend and it was like the blind leading the blind
so, I began to talk to my friend Jennifer and she encouraged me to come to her church.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
She asked me if I wanted to missionaries to come to my house. I said "sure" without hesitation. After all, she was the most honest person I had ever known and, so what would it hurt to have missionaries from her church come to my house, eat my food, talk to my child and husband, again, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I also started reading the Book Of Mormon. It seemed very close to what the Bible said in my opinion. I was very unfamiliar with it The Book of Mormon, but so was the bible until I read it over and over.
So, one day, the Mormon Missionaries showed up at my house. They seemed nice enough.
I then took the "first discussion". The missionaries encouraged me to investigate the church and to continue to pray after reading the Book Of Mormon and God would reveal to me that all that was being taught to me, was the truth. I took 2 more discussions and God still had not revealed to me that what was being taught was the truth. I did notice that I was more comfortable talking to my friend about the church, and that I was more comfortable in the church.
Funny thing about the church is, they have a special class for people who are investigating. I thought that was strange at the time. It's almost like they don't want you to know what else goes on in the church, it sortof seems like that.
Ok the 3rd discussion, you can find comments about it here. This person says what I thought about it. I thought "My friend must be brainwashed!!"
She and her husband both told me to "step out on faith" and be baptized and to believe the Book Of Mormon to be true after all, isn't that what I did to become a Christian? Well, yes of course but, I did not feel paranoid and, unhappy when I prayed for Jesus to come into my heart. With the Mormon discussions I just felt more confused. With my husband everything he said agains the church(lds church)made me angry because I was still "investigating" it
He began to read the Book Of Mormon too. He was going to give the religion the benefit of the doubt, I had.
Well, one day he said, did you see this? He showed me this(found in the Introduction of the Book Of Mormon, it is a quote from Joseph Smith, himself:

"I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book."

So, what he is saying is that the Book of Mormon is more important than the Bible itself, which tells us about Jesus' death
, burial and resurrection

which is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. So, My friend and I got into an arguement about it. I stopped going to the church. I argued with the missionaries over the phone, I argued with my best friend's husband about it.
We are all still friends, I do not go to the LDS church, I do not have the missionaries come to my house and I do not believe the Book Of Mormon to be true, nor do I believe that the Mormons are Christians.

If you would like to know where to find information to talk to the Mormon's about Christianity, here it is.
You basically need to know what the bible says about their discussions.

That starts here:

http://www.reachouttrust.org/articles/lds/ldsmissdisc1_pf.htm

Here is another good read:

http://www.challengemin.org/contrad.html

My friend and I very rarely talk of spiritual things because deep down, I think she knows that I am right. She said talking to me about it just strengthened her "testimony".

Finally, if you are thinking of investigating the "Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints" please read up on it first. There is a reason they do not want you to read anything that is not approved by their church. Remember that!!
If you are floundering
like I was, ask some of your christian friends what they think about the Mormon church.

Ephesians 4:11-15
11. And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;
12. For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
13. Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
14. That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
15. But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

Thank you for reading and may you be the better for it!! I pray that this helps someone!!!

Moving out

2005-08-23T11:44:00.000-07:00
Keith told his mom that the A/C was leaking water down the wall onto the floor in front of the bathroom door and in the hallway. He previously went up to check it and found that the drip pan has rusted through so either the whole a/c will have to be replaced or the a/c repair people will need to lift the whole a/c unit and replace the drip pan which would cost alot of money.So, he talked to his stepdad. I heard Keith say "there is no reason for you to talk to me like that, put mom back on the phone"Ok, when Keith got off the phone he told me he originally called his mom just to tell her that he was going to try to patch the leaks so the a/c would not leak and see how much it would cost for a new drip pan. He talked to his step dad then and his stepdad said that we pay so little rent that whatever gets broken either we need to fix it, call someone to fix it and pay for it ourselves or move out.I told Keith, we can not afford to pay someone to fix a problem this size, nor should we have to. We moved in here as a favor to them and so we could save money not spend it on a/c in the house that is about to be sold anyway. A problem of this size can not be fixed without a repair- man. It is actually very dangerous as well because the slats in the attic are very narrow and a person could fall through very easily.Then Keith told me his stepdad was drunk. I thought GREAT! Cody is up there with Keith's mom and Stepdad. That just wonderful. They griped and moaned about when Keith was drinking and not letting Cody and Hope be around that but, then my MIL takes Cody and Joe gets drunk and Cody has to be around him drinking. I think he won't be going up there very much anymore. If I have anything to say about it.Pray for Keith. He took the truck this morning and had to walk back home for the car cause he ran out of gas. He was 10 min late to work this is beginning his second week at that new job. His supervisor said "that's not good, not even 2 wks on the job and he has been late 2 times" I wasn't aware of a second time being late. Hmmmm....Just pray for us. We are going through stress with his family and finances right now.Thanks for reading!!

My son is gone

2005-08-22T01:33:00.000-07:00
*pout pout* I took him to his nana's today.
He cried at first and when I said "it's ok Cody, your going to Nana's" hand I hugged him he said "No ma" with little sweet tears falling down his precious cheeks.
I left as soon as possible because he would not stop crying. I cried all the way to my friend's house 30 min away. I kept thinking, what if God was using him to tell us that something bad was going to happen and I didn't listen.
I called my MIL's cell phone and home phone and no one answered at either one. She could be in an area where there is no service though.
Pray though. I probably won't sleep today till she calls and I have to work tonight.
*heavy sigh*
Please pray.
A picture of a car, for Cody.

Cause I miss him so much at home already. The house feels so empty without him.
We are so fortunate that he is just visiting his Nana for a few days but will be back because I talk as though he .... I refuse to finish that statement.

My normal schedule....

2005-08-20T01:53:00.000-07:00
This is the schedule of a crazy correctional officer with a husband and 2 kids.

On a work day, I go to sleep in the morning after being up all night(remember I work nights so the last day I am off I stay up most of the night before and sleep most of the next day).
I wake up around 2:30pm, put my uniform in the washer, fix Cody something to eat, 30 min passes I put the uniform in the dryer,Change Cody's diaper after he finishes eating, wash as many dishes I can, clean up as much as can. At 4:00pm Hope gets off of the bus from school. I take a shower while Hope watches Cody. I get dressed and change Cody's diaper, put socks and shoes on him, and we leave the house, go to Keith's work(Apt Leasing Office). I take the kids in at 5 till 5 and head for work.
I get to work at around 5:20pm. Go to turn out, then after turn out I work 12 hrs on the unit, go home, get Hope on the bus, then take a shower, wake Keith up, if he is not already awake. Then I go to sleep until Cody wakes up which could be anywhere between 10am and 1:30pm. I start the first part of the schedule over again(wake up at 2:30pm and go from there).

Does that sound like alot to do or what?

On my next payday I am going to invest in another car seat for the car or truck so we won't have to keep changing them out from one vehicle to the other. Also, on Monday the kids will go to an afterschool program for 45min in the afternoon so I will not have to drop them off at Keith's work and I will not be late to my work or race to make sure I am on time.

Thanks for reading!! :)

The man on the left is wearing a TDCJ uniform. My uniform looks exactly like his. Just FYI

I do not know either of these men but, the picture was entitled "Polunsky Award" and Polusky is not far from the unit I work at and Polusky also houses all of the death row inmates(ones who are to be put to death eventually by lethal injection)

Things are going well

2005-08-18T15:06:00.000-07:00
Hope started 4rth grade and likes it. She said all the kids this year are the same as last year. She really likes her teacher and the only thing is hard is the school work because it is more difficult.

Keith is doing well at his job. His boss told him some info that was TMI day before yesterday and because so many read this, I will not repeat it but, it had us laughing so much it brought us to tears when he told me what she said. She is not very professional and blabs her personal life all day long. He says he can see why they have gone through 3 Assistant Supervisors before him.

Cody is silly, as usual. He misses "Daiee" and "Sissy" and I tell him constantly where they are but, I just do not think he is accepting this and hopes that their return is very soon.

I am still at the same job. It pays the bills but, of course it is not a job that I enjoy unless I am carrying a gun and I had to on a hospital "run" several weeks ago so, that was worth it. I was "packin" for 12 hours. It is just an exhilerating feeling.

I will be looking for clerical work again now that Keith has a job. He also had 2 more interviews this week. One pays $1700 per mth bring home. It has great insurance I hope he gets that one.

Well, just wanted to quickly update ya'll. I am sorry I have not been on here much lately. My schedule demands that I am asleep as soon as I shower after work and, then get up when Cody wakes me on my work days. Then I take the kids to KEith's work 5 till 5 and race to work. I am glad it is my first day off.

Have a great day and a great weekend!!

How well do you really know a person?

2005-08-13T19:13:00.000-07:00
Have you ever ask yourself this question?
I went to a funeral today for a man who was one of the greatest guys around. He was just an average guy, in alot of people's eyes but, to some, he was amazing!!
I really did not know him well enough to know he was amazing. I only knew that everytime I saw him he was smiling. I did not know until yesterday that he was diabetic or that he had a back problem(actually I think Kathy, his wife, told me one time but, it blew out of my head).

He was 43 years old. You can find his Obituary here

He was a really great man, what I new of him. I really never talked to him much except for in passing at church. I helped teach his daughter in Missionettes. I talked to his wife Kathy on occasion but, when I really got to thinking about how well I knew him, I really did not.

Now that I think about it I realize I never really have gotten to know very many people in the church at all so I really do not know many people.
This is my wake up call. I am going to make a point to speak to people more, make jokes and help people more. That way, when I die, they can say they knew me.

Thanks for reading! :)

My husband got a job!!

2005-08-12T21:43:00.000-07:00
He will be assistant manager of 4 apartment complexes. He says his stress levels will be low which is the best part of it all and the money of course. He will bring home more than $1200 per month which we desperately needed.
Thank God in heaven that he finally has a job.

On a saddened note, my friend's dad's funeral will be tomorrow at 3 p.m.

My life is bitter- sweet.

Life

2005-08-11T19:01:00.000-07:00
John 14:1-3

1. Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

ETERNAL

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.(KJV)

My friend's dad passed away as I stated in my "Death" post.

My mother called earlier and said the visitation is tomorrow at a funeral home here in my town from 6pm-8pm and then the funeral will be on Saturday at 3pm at my church.

I am sorry I will not be my bright, chipper and goofy self for a while as I will be obeying what the Lord said when he said "Bear ye one another's burders and so fullfill the law of Christ" Galatians 6:2

Hug your husbands today, hug your dad's. You just do not know how much longer they may be around.

Thanks for reading. Please keep the Frazier family in your prayers.

Sorry this post is sortof scrambled. That is how my thinking has been since I found out the news about my friend's dad. Pray.....

Death

2005-08-11T03:30:00.000-07:00
One of My friend's dad died yesterday morning. It was a complete shock to everyone. He was in his early 40's, a correctional officer, as I am. He was going to school on a grant. He had back problems and went to the hospital 30 min away to alleviate the pain in his back by some shock therapy is what I was told, and died the next morning.
An autopsy is being performed to find out the cause of death. My friend goes to church everytime the doors are open. She has a very close knit family. Everytime I saw her, her and her family were at El Chico(great place to eat tex-mex food).
Her father's name was David Frazier. He will be missed by everyone.
I never saw him without a smile on his face. I have known the family for the past 10 years.

Psalms 121

2005-08-08T09:52:00.000-07:00
I felt lead by God to look this up this morning. I did not know what was going to be in the scriptures and when I read this Psalms 121:1 It jumped out at me!!

Psalms 121:1-8

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve thy going out and
thy coming in from this time forth,
and even for evermore.

Budget?

2005-08-06T08:23:00.000-07:00
Ok we figured our bills to monthly income ratio yesterday.
I knew we were broke but, did not realize until then how broke we really are.

Is it possible to make it on $30 for everything per week for 4 people?

Can you say de-press-ing?

Looks like alot of Ramen Noodles this month.
Fortunately, we have a deep freezer that is full of food.

We are actually more fortunate than many people. We could stand to loose some weight, not by not eating but, by cutting back on what we do eat. My husband and I are both overweight. Our kids are both very healthy and happy children. I need to eat less and give them normal portions. (which I am doing but, still need to cut back on my bad eating habits even more).

It makes me sad thinking that there are people who can not feed their children today because they have no money and no food.

Find out more about that here at the "America's Second Harvest The Nations Food Bank Network". You can even do a local search to help in your area. Isn't that great? Most of us who are more fortunate can stand to go without a few meals to supply a family with nutrition. Right?

Don't be chicken! Go check out the site now!

I am positively outraged!

2005-08-04T09:45:00.000-07:00
I read a story on CNN this morning that just got me to shaking my head at law enforcement.
You can read the story here.
As I read it I was immediately outraged! The main reason was not the situation as a whole but, this statement that I read that reads "Police responded with three cars while a helicopter hovered overhead," just that little part that I read infuriated me!
With all of the murderers and rapists running around free, with all of the ones who are set free daily only to go out and murder again or rape someone's daughter or someone's son, and they need 3 cars and and a freaking helicopter to bring an 11 year old girl in??
Oh My God!!
So, I decided to look up the Police Chief's information. He looks like a retard anyway and so that made me even more angry so, I wrote a little email to the Fresco Police Department and it goes like this
"Why did it take 3 patrol cars and a helicopter to apprehend an 11 year old girl? Was there that little crime going on in California that day?"
That is all I said because I believe that got my point across.
If I were eleven I would have scratch some big strange men if they were trying to grab me too!!
This article is just INSANE!

Hoops and Yoyo

2005-07-31T07:26:00.000-07:00
In the past few days, I have sent a few emails to people who have cheered me up in the past, who seem down in the dumps themselves. The ecards that I have sent are themed Hoops and Yoyo . These little guys are amazing. They are funny and they just are so much like I try to come across when trying to cheer someone up.
For instance, Birthday Shout is just silly but, it seems to captivate the silliness I feel on a normal everyday basis.
Anyway, I wanted to share them with you. They are really cute, check them out! :)
They will make you laugh. I have no doubt about that.

Dante's Inferno Test see how you rank...

2005-07-28T23:34:00.000-07:00
Take this test to see how you rank. I am going to Purgatory apparently...

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Low
Level 2 (Lustful) High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

I woke up from a horrific dream!

2005-07-28T05:13:00.000-07:00
I had a dream that I tried to wake Keith up and he would not wake up.
Cody was yelling "daaaiiiiieeee! daaaiiieee!" as he usually does when Keith watches him and Cody is awake. He yells it as loud as he can to wake Keith up but, instead of the normal 10:30am it was 2pm and Keith still seemed to be sleeping. He was not asleep though. He was dead. I called 911 and performed CPR(I am not a card carrier of cpr but, I have taken classes a long time ago and had a refresher at inservice for work less than 6 mths ago)until medics arrived but, they pronounced him dead at the scene.
They took his body away. I called everyone to let them know. Cody kept calling for Daddy like he had gone to the store and, it was all just so very strange. I called Nana to tell her to bring Hope home. Everyone came over. My best friend, who had been here yesterday, all of the relatives and though they treated him badly(his relatives not his friends)while he was alive, they said nothing but good things about him after his death. It was infuriating and gratifying to know what they really thought of him in life but, it would have been better if they had told him while he was still living, is what I kept telling myself and that is why I was infuriated. He never knew how much his family thought of him, he always thought they looked down on him.
Let me remind you that it was all a dream and my husband is just fine, sleeping in the next room but, really it was weird cause that is exactly how it could happen. You know?
Let me assure you that this dream was extremely vivid and I have been soul searching for the last half hour(when I woke up and could not go back to sleep).
I realize I am not the best wife.
I am being totally honest. Alot of my problems are from my childhood but, some stem from stubborness and immaturity(which I view as one in the same).
I realize I need to work on these negative qualities. Now stubborness and immaturity in the proper situations are fine at times but, when Keith and I have an argument and I started it and he is doing nothing but trying to solve important issues but, I just simply refuse to see or I do see but, will not acklowledge to him that he is right, he fumes and it causes us both problems.
It is no secret that he has a temper. He unleashes it at every occassion. He can be verbally abusive but, so can I.
Usually it would not reach the point of unleashed tempers and verbal abuse if I would simply admit a tiney teninsey fact...I am wrong but, I simply choose to overlook that point, for whatever reason(mainly stubborness and immaturity) and the arguement that should be a simple discussion, turns into.....hell and I end up going to bed and he ends up welcoming the fact that I leave the room to go to bed cause we are sick of dealing with each other because of what???
Me. Honestly. I know this without a doubt. I am not disillusioned by past experiences of his rage. No, I am a strong willed person and no matter how much he yells and I yell back, it does not ruin my spirit it strengthens it so, I tell you now that I need to change.
I need to become the sort of wife that a man can be proud of. One who he can talk about to his MIL and say nice things about instead of searching his heart for previous positive situations to account to others. I would like for them to be ever present in his daily schedule. To see me as the bible says I should be.
Proverbs 31:10-31
10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion
to her maidens.
16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be
praised.
31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

So, if I can become this virtuous woman(defined as
1. Having or showing virtue, especially moral excellence: led a virtuous life.
2. Possessing or characterized by chastity; pure: a virtuous woman.) I believe my marriage would benefit greatly from it.
I may fall short but any journey to this path and becoming a virtuous woman being the destination it can only have positive results.
Now as far as his faults, he has to want to change as I do and I will not force the issue. Possibly if he sees that I am trying to change he will want to but, if he does not I will just try and be an example and let my light shine. You know like the children's song says that you learned(may not have learned but here it is for you to learn now)in Sunday school:

This Little Light Of Mine

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

All around the neighborhood, I’m gonna let it shine.
All around the neighborhood, I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Don’t let Satan pfft- it out! I’m gonna let it shine.
Don't let Satan pfft- it out! I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

Let it shine 'til Jesus comes. I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine 'til Jesus comes. I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, Let it shine!

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine..............let it shine..........let it shine.

Thank you for reading.

Blog Wash

2005-07-27T22:49:00.000-07:00
This is and I will put what I want on it.
I do not care what people think of me as I write on my blog. I would like for people to read and comment but, it is not required(I love comments by the way!).
On a different subject...
Today has been very unproductive. I need to wash clothes but until this evening when I went to Kroger and bought the store brand detergent, I had no detergent to wash clothes with. Now I do not want to wash clothes.
I would love to be able to put my blog in the washer and clean it up sometimes when I say things that just aren't funny or something perverted or, just goofy(like this only this is to imaginitive to stop so I have to keep going...and going like the energizer bunny).
That could go into a few other subjects but, I am just so tired! I need to go to bed. I am not longer a spring chicken.

Life seems to work that way most of the time. When you have the energy to work on your car, you can not find the right tools but, then you find the right tool and by the time you do, you are too pooped to fix the car.
Like the song :
"Ironic"
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Chorus
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought 'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Repeat Chorus

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...
Repeat Chorus

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Well Keith is being a dork(literal dictionary definition of dork- 2. Vulgar Slang. The penis) now so I think I will go ahead and go to bed for the night.

I am not sure why I just like to add pictures to my blog!!
Happy Blogging!

Walt Disney World

2005-07-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

I saw information online about Walt Disney World Vacations so, I typed in my info and received a vacation planner in the mail.
Ok since we do not own our own home should I hold off on family vacations to save money?
Cody is 2 1/2 and he will not remember it if we go next year but, Hope will.
What are your views on this?

A close friend is leaving

2005-07-25T22:55:00.000-07:00
The bible says "John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

The dictionary definition of friend is
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.
Friends are special people. We can't pick our family, and we're sorely limited in the number of them at any rate. Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life.

A friend of mine is moving. It breaks my heart to see her go. I have known her for a year. I know that is not long but, I make friends quickly and she has been one of the biggest hearted friends that I have ever known. Her name is Autumn.
Her name is even pretty. She is a beautiful woman with a daughter that is my daughter's age.
She is moving to see if she can make her relationship with her ex-husband work somehow. She says she has to find out. She has to see if they can work things out she will always wonder and she has a hard time living with that.
So she transfered to a different unit and is going back to be with her ex-husband.
I am really saddened by her leaving but understand that she wants to see if she and her ex-husband can work things out because they are close friends but, they never got along well while being married. Now they are older and more mature and maybe, just maybe they will be able to work things out.
She will be all the way in Amarillo so I do not know that I will be able to visit her. That is what is sad to me the most but, I can email and call and write. Alot of times those are really good relationships as well.
I have great friends on here. I know that. :)

Just pray for me that if I go to the going way party that I can be strong and let her know what an impact she has had on my life.

Would this bother you?

2005-07-23T08:35:00.000-07:00
I was feeling secure again about Keith watching the kids while I work and then I find this picture this morning. The folder was titled "outside" so, I ached when I saw each picture of him on his tricycle and doing different things in the yard. Picking up rocks and his hair is all sweaty but, he is smiling from ear to ear so, you know he is having so much fun getting dirty.
Then, I come across pictures like this one:

My son is 2 1/2 and can hardly walk without tripping himself most of the time so I would normally call him clumsy but, he is put on a swing by his daddy without ANYTHING strapping him on.
My heart JUMPED when saw this picture and you can bet that I will be having a very long conversation with my husband when he wakes up.
Cody has a swing his nana bought him but, Keith just has not put it up. Ok so he has a camera in his hand taking pictures of my sweet boy swinging but, what if Cody let go and tried to jump off? What would happen then? hmmmm. He would either 1. land on his feet like a practiced
gymnist(sp?) 2. He could fall forward and fall flat on his face 3. The swing could be going so high he could just accidently dive off and land right on his head!!(That one scares me sooo bad!to think about) 4. Daddy could drop the camera and race to Cody's aide and barely make it to him in time to catch before he hits the ground.
Let's hope it's either #1 or #4 that happens cause 2 and 3 happen and my husband would be apt hunting, for himself only. :)
Ya, we are going to have a nice....long....talk today.
Oh this picture is my FAVORITE of my son and I HAVE to share it.
He was a little younger, fresh out of the bathtub in nothing but a towel but when I told him to grab it so it would not come undone he made a little hand puppet and is amusing himself. That is why he is smiling :)
Sooo cute! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture:

Geneology

2005-07-21T06:47:00.000-07:00
Ever wondered where you came from? I know you are not being silly and thinking "I came from my momma". No one that reads my blog is that silly. :)
Ok just for kicks and giggles, last night I looked up my great grandmother online and found a whole bunch of her(my) relatives. I traced all the way back to my great great great grandfather. That is back to the 1820's.
You can find some of it on here. Under the Whitwell family. My great grandmother's name is Lillie Belle Whitwell.
So I tried tracing my dad's family and could not find ANYTHING online about him at all. It is very discouraging to be able to find all of my mom's side but, none of my dad's side.
Oh well, I will ask my mom for more info on my "biological male parent" often refered to as "sperm donor" and see what I can come up with. Word is that he was mostly indian.
My mom's side is from England so, that would explain my fair skin and instead of tanning I burn crispy after about 30 min in the sun.
You all have a great day and remember, it is important that you know where you came from!!

This is probably what one of my relatives looked like(picture borrowed from some very nice english webpage)

The dream I had

2005-07-20T07:19:00.000-07:00
I had a dream last night that woke me up at about 4:30a.m. Now I can not go back to sleep. It was about George W. Bush, the rapture, and the end of the world. Contibuting factors to such a vivid dream...probably the spicey spagetti I had for supper and my pastor called me to see how I was doing yesterday. He studied the book of Revelation for 10 years and did a very in depth bible study every Wednesday night for several months on the book.
I will try to remember what I can of the dream but, most of it has faded as I turned my lamp on.
The main thing that I remember hearing in the dream is someone saying "this is the end of currancy as we know it."
I do not know if that means that everyone would have a credit card but, I do know that the introduction of the microchip was well past and it was a requirement by law to have one or you would suffer inprisonment until you changed your mind. It was like not having a Social Security number or something. You were considered an illegal alien.
Weird right?
Well just take a look at these sites. Does the "chip family" in Florida ring a bell? The family who agreed to have a microchip incerted beneath their skin?
Some information about the microchip can be found here . It is a chip introduced through the company Applied Digitial Solutions. This is my main fear. Is the verichip or some other form of it the "mark of the beast"? Iwas curious and looked online to see what I could find. That info can be found here . Read the second paragraph on that page and of course ADS dismisses the facts that they own the company so of course they will deny any claims of it being remotely related to the mark of the beast because they want to make money! Like any other company They say "that such concern is unfounded because people have a say in whether they want to have the chip surgically implanted. "
Well, ya of course we do now but, what happens in a few years when that same chip is introduced to parents to be used as a devise to go hand in hand with the Amber Alert, which is also a really good system but, thinking globally about all of these new gadgets if you think int terms of the bible, it is scary the way the bible prophecy has always been fulfilled and Revelation is the only book that has not been completely fulfilled...yet.
Ok back to the dream, What happened after the microchip was introduced was I heard a loud musical instrument like armies going out to battle and people started disappearing around me. Someone yelled, IT'S THE RAPTURE! IT WAS TRUE AFTER ALL! Then the news tried to cover it up by saying aliens abducted millions.
Rapture if looked up in the dictionary means "3. The transporting of a person from one place to another, especially to heaven"
That is what all of the Christians are waiting for.
Mark 13:14-20But when ye shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing where it ought not, (let him that readeth understand,) then let them that be in Judaea flee to the mountains:
15And let him that is on the housetop not go down into the house, neither enter therein, to take any thing out of his house:
16And let him that is in the field not turn back again for to take up his garment.
17But woe to them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
18And pray ye that your flight be not in the winter.
19For in those days shall be affliction, such as was not from the beginning of the creation which God created unto this time, neither shall be.
20And except that the Lord had shortened those days, no flesh should be saved: but for the elect's sake, whom he hath chosen, he hath shortened the days.
I remembered these scriptures in my dream but, I really remember the one in Mark 13:14 the most about the "abomination of desolation". I either said it while I was sleeping or I receited it in my dream, not sure which.
Anyway, I woke up, prayed but could not go back to sleep so I got up finally.
Scarey dream. I am a huge believer in the bible so it is so real to me that the end will eventually come it is just a question of when.

Life is like a box of chocolates....

2005-07-19T15:58:00.000-07:00
you never know what kind of crap is going to happen next, ok that is not how it goes but, that is MY version of the phrase from Forest Gump okey dokey?

My life is better, I deleted that last blog entry cause it was too depressing so I am omitting it from my thoughts and vocabulary!

Lets all be happy! :)

Life is grand! Like a grand piano falling on your head that's what it's like.
Or life is sweet. Like candy till it rots your teeth from your head.

Sometimes, it is so hard to be happy that you are gritting your teeth to smile, know what I mean?

Ok, enoughs enough. I gotta take a nap now I am just rambling, rambling, rambling...

zzzzzz night night zzzzzzzz must zzzz rest zzzz

Someone HELP!

2005-07-18T22:02:00.000-07:00
Procastinate:
1.To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
2.To postpone or delay needlessly.

I am definitely procrastinating about cleaning now. I am guilty of both definitions I guess.
I have not even started on the laundry and I plan to vaccum though after I give Cody a bath. I just wanted to wait until after he ate supper and he has. Now he is watching the Wizard Of Oz. His favorite movie. He developed a liking for it when he was about a year and a half. He loves musicals. He also loves Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, Tammy and The Bachelor, and The Sound Of Music. Those are all my favorites and ones that we have one VHS tape.
Anyway, as far as cleaning goes, I need some sort of encouragement to start. Any suggestions?

Cleaning!

2005-07-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

Pardon my sarcasm but, I will be cleaning today and I am just SO OVERJOYED!!
Why doesn't my husband realize that if he does not wash the dishes and he leaves piles of them, that I have to do them. We do not have a dishwasher. That is the one thing I miss since I have lived here. This house was built in the 1960's and it had a dishwasher that worked but it is the one that came with the house. We can not afford to buy an updated one. Maybe if Keith gets one of these jobs he has interviewed for, we will.
Anyway, back to the subject of cleaning. I used to actually enjoy cleaning when I was a teenager. When I lived by myself before having Hope, I still liked to clean. To have a clean house, is a wonderful feeling but, now I am 31, overweight and have a back problem since I had my son. It hurts when I use the muscles in it.

So, even washing a few utensils can set it to hurting, throbbing, I guess is a better word for it.
I have to wash dishes in spurts. I clean in spurts I guess. I clean part of something(ie vaccuming especially, it is a back KILLER).
I know it sounds like I am old but of course I am not, I am just overweight so, I tire out quicker than I used to.
I do my best though. Maybe when I shed some of this excess body weight I will enjoy cleaning again. Hopefully.

I just do not know what to think...

2005-07-18T00:29:00.000-07:00
Ok my husband's ex-girlfriend's dad died and the funeral is tomorrow.
My husband's ex-girlfriend(Janna) and his sister(Debbie) are best friends. I can not stand Debbie. She wrote me a very hateful email a long time ago and we have not communicated since then. If you read the email, you would know why I can not stand her. It is so hard for me to just get past it and move on with my life. Everytime I think of her I think of that hateful email and I just feel like doing something or saying something bad to her.
Why was she immature enough to write an email like that? She is older than me and people profess her to be somewhat of a "genious". Most Geniouses lack common sense so maybe that is her problem. I do not know. All I do know, is this is the email from his mom:

Ok, do you have any idea how long it took to download? I took it clip with the digital camara, so there is no sound. Ever since we got that camara, I thought it took short movies, but just figured it out the other day.
If you are coming to the funeral, where will hope be? We would rather her not have to deal with a funeral, if it can be avoided!
Let me know if I need to watch her, ok?
Love,
Keto

You can find the funeral information here.

I am thinking she is planning on taking Hope, my daughter, to the funeral. She herself, told me that Hope has already been through to many sad things here at home. I guess since she would be taking Hope to the funeral, it would not be sad for her? I do not understand her way of thinking. She makes me feel like I can not win for loosing most of the time. She tells me one thing one visit to the house and something opposite that the next visit.
(i.e. She came to the house once and the door was unlocked and she griped and griped for about 20 min straight about not leaving it unlocked cause ppl can break in easier yada yada yada, the next visit, she gripped cause it was locked and she was frustrated that she could not enter the house. So we reminded her about what she said on her last visit and she said "I don't care, I need to be able to get in when I arrive!" so what are we supposed to do? Set up a special locking automated system especially for her? that is voice activated?sounds very expensive to me!)

I realize this is not a typical blog post for me, I hope I have not offended anyone but, I really had to go to my online "journal" to vent and also wanted some opinions about how I feel and how I can possibly overcome the horrible feelings I have towards my Sister-in-law. If I used one word to describe her it would be the "b" word.
I have prayed and ask God to help me with this but, the feelings I feel about her will not go away. Please pray for me that I can one day look at her and love her no matter what she says to me. I know I am to turn the other cheek but, I want to pop her in hers. I know it is wrong but, that is how I feel.

Learning more about you....

2005-07-15T01:36:00.000-07:00
Take a few minutes and answer these questions for me. I want to learn more about you....

1. Who are you?
2 . When and how did we meet?
3 . What brings you here?
4. Why do you keep coming back?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impresssion of me?
8. Do you still think that now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me a present, what would it be?
11. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

Light Of The World

2005-07-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Matthew 5:14 (KJV)

When the first bits of sunlight creep over the trees to cast shadows on my wall, just as I reach to turn my lamp off, something occurs to me!...
If I profess to be a christian, and I do and, a christian is someone
who is "Christ-like", then if I say I am a christian to others but, do not show a true Christ like nature, I am insignificant as that artificial light from a lamp bulb.
If I show myself to be a Christian as I profess to be, I will be like the sun to others or maybe like the moon because Jesus is the Sun to us all, I would be a reflection of Him so I would reflect His light and so I would be more like the moon.
I do not know why I started thinking abou that. It just hit me. You know, like some things do, when you have an idea. Most of the time the ideas I have come from knowing scriptures from early childhood and remembering one or two all of a sudden and an idea sometimes goes along with it. Almost like a sermonette or something.
A little Archaeology tells us that the reason for cities being built on a hill are because:
" Defense meant that cities tend to be built "on a hill". For example Jerusalem grew first on a ridge near the Gihon spring.
These are enduring criteria for the site of cities, at least until the modern period (when high capacity pumping of water became possible, and hills no longer improve defensibility).
(Photo "borrowed" from http://www.carey.ac.nz/mb/531/3/city.htm is a photo of Kidron Valley and Mount of Olives-McMath)

Ok so the main point is, that I want to reflect Jesus to others but, have I lost my chance because Jesus says:

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
Matthew 5:13(KJV)

Does that mean that if I have sinned and have been a stumbling block to others so many times, I can not show them that I am the light of the world because it is a tainted light? I do not want to be "cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men."

My beautiful children

2005-07-12T16:51:00.000-07:00
My pride and joy, having fun in the sprinkler today as I "watered the azaleas"

I want to dedicate this post to Alexia Flory's family

2005-07-11T09:51:00.000-07:00
Alexia Flory was a brave little girl who lost her battle with Neuroblastoma Cancer several months ago. She is now an angel(picture taken from her website to emphasize my tribute to her on my blog).

This is copied from Noah Paul Ard's page:

"Next weekend I would love for all of you to join us at the Nederland Walmart located across the freeway from Central Mall. We will be hosting an Alex's Lemonade Stand in Memory of my beautiful niece Lexy and in Honor of Joshua Huggins (another A.L.L. friend) and in Honor of my handsome little man, Noah. Joshua's mom suggested doing this in order to raise money for pediatric cancer research and Neuroblastoma Research. Please pray that this is a success. Dawn(Lexy's Mommy) will be flying in to help out with this event so that will be nice to see her and of course it will so wonderful to see my little nephew Aden. He is such a doll, God was so good to bless Dawn and Greg with Aden and Aden is lucky that he will have many stories to hear of his big sister Lexy."So, Next weekend on July 16, 2005 is the Lemonade Stand in Memory of beautiful Lexy to raise money for pediatric cancer research and Neuroblastoma research!Try to make it there!!

Also Check out Ashleigh's site as well. She is also battling with Neuroblastoma cancer as well.
Here is a link to her site to make things easier for you:
http://www2.caringbridge.org/mi/ashleigh/

Ashleigh's friend, Anna from Lowell, MI is in dire need of a bone marrow transplant and she can not find a donor. It cost $125 for every person tested for a match - they need to raise money to cover the costs to have as many people tested as possible -they need to find a match for this precious girl. Please help out if you can - see the link. There is also information about her bone marrow drive on July 12 in Lowell - you never know if you could be the one to help save her life. http://www.help-anna.org/

I feel like I must take my blog to a new level. But how?

2005-07-11T03:48:00.000-07:00
I am tired of having hardly any traffic on my blog. That is why I put all these blog links on the left hand side(see down past" links to things I read"). I thought they would help.
What is this obsession I have with being popular? I have had it all of my life. Back when I had huge bottle cap glasses and big buck teeth. Sorry I do not have a picture of that available. Here is one that may suffice

I did not look quite that bad but, close. I really wanted to look like a cheerleader

but always fell short of my goal. I did look pretty good at one time but, after having two kids. I let myself go and did not excercise very much anymore. It is hard to find the time. I try to make time and I even joined Curves but, after a few months I realized we really could not afford my membership there since I am the only one working right now. Maybe when Keith gets a job(he just had an interview a few days ago!!!)then, we will see.
I know this has not taken my blog to a new level but, it has helped me to realize some things. I really do not care if people come to my site. I probably will take the blog links off in a few days. I do not feel like it right now.
I need to just get out and exercise with my family. If not the whole family, then my kids.
Instead of taking my blog to a new level, I have taken MYSELF to a new level of thinking.

Finding Neverland

2005-07-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

I watched the movie based on the story of J.W. Barrie's life not too long ago. The title is "Finding Neverland". It was one of the best movies that I have ever seen.

Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet play amazing parts in the movie. They are so real and believable it is excellent.
At first, I thought a movie with the two of them would not be a good combination of stars but, after seeing the movie I realized how wrong I was.

Watch it for yourself. If you enjoy period movies, this is one you will really enjoy.
It shows a boy's love for their mother. The great joys of boyhood and, the timeless classic creation of Peter Pan, the play, in 1904.
This movie is based on the real life story of J.W Barrie and, could not be depicted better, in my view.
It was a wonderful combination between fact and fantasy!

I miss my puppy

2005-07-09T05:16:00.000-07:00
I had a dachshund her name was Dora. Just like Dora the Explorer that the kids enjoy watching on Nick Jr. Sometimes I just sit and play tetris on ebaumsworld and think about my Dora. Her whole name Hope's Lady Dora. I really really miss her. I know it is silly but, sometimes I still call to her.
She ran off one night, chasing a fox and we looked all over for her and could not find her.
She has been gone for almost a year now. My poor "Dora Jean". That is what we called her.
We figure she must be dead by now or maybe someone is taking care of her.
I dedicated a song to her. To read the lyrics click here. It is called "Please Remember Me".
Well, here is a picture of her....

Wasn't she cute? I really hope she is out there somewhere. Someone found her and is taking care of her. It's a nice thought. It might not be a practical thought but, it is a nice one.

Cody may have Chicken Pox

2005-07-07T13:43:00.000-07:00
I am really not sure. I took him to the doctor this morning and the doctor said "I don't know" when I asked him if it was chicken pox or some sort of bug bite.
The reason why he does not know, he explained is if Cody has had the vaccination for Chicken Pox he could have a very mild case of Chicken Pox regardless of the vaccination.
My question is(and I was frustrated and angry with the doctor for not knowing when I am spending $20 on this visit for him to tell me what my son has-and he can't tell me)what is the point of getting vaccinated then? Ok, I know, I know, basically so if he gets CP it won't be such a bad reaction for him. I understand that I guess but, if it does not keep him from having them totally, then what is the point?
Anyway, here are the pictures and I will find out the results from the blood tests in a few days (3-5 days).

A little about Me

2005-07-07T00:04:00.000-07:00
A meme

What I was doing ten years ago: Working at Wal-Mart from 2pm-11pm and getting off work, changing clothes to work at Denny's from 12am-7am. Reason:to get bills payed off Result of working two jobs:resolved a little debt but, really ended up oweing Denny's most of my paycheck for eating all the time(gained about 15lbs during that time).
Not married yet, no kids, living with my Sister and BIL at the time.

5 years ago: Married for 3 years, had a daughter who was 4 years old. Working at TDCJ in Clerical-Parole Worksheet Section

1 year ago: Just completed the training academy 2 mths previous and was working at TDCJ as a Correctional Officer. Keith was working trying to get his tax business off the ground.

Yesterday: Called in to work, slept alot, washed some clothes and watched Miss Congeneality 2(the tail end of it), called my mom, my best friend, and a good friend in California

5 snacks I enjoy: popcorn
chips(cool ranch doritos)
hard candy (especially jolly ranchers)
pistachios
sliced cheddar cheese w/a light mayo spread

5 songs I know all the words to: Independance Day by Martina McBride
How do I live leanne Rimes/Trisha Yearwood
Mud on the Tires by Brad Paisely
My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
Yes I realize most of them are country but I really like contemperary country music, so sue me!

5 Things I would do with $100 million:
Tithe
Pay off all my bills
vacation! vacation! did I mention? Vacation!
Get my parents a house and land somewhere nice
Put alot away for college for the kids

5 locations I would like to run away to:
Sweden when it is cold
Idaho to be a potato farmer(just kidding but it would be something different from my normal life)
Nashville Tennessee-Anytime!
Anywhere someone would let me sing!

5 bad habits I have:
Being way to controlling
not living up to my potential
not being more committed to church
not taking people seriously
Not excersising like I should

K, I am going to cut this shorter cause I do not know how much will fit on my blog spot. I don't want to screw it up like I did with my 4rth of July Pictures that were to big.

I just learned something interesting!!

2005-07-06T21:53:00.000-07:00
My husband thinks I am controlling. When I asked him "Do you really think I am controlling?". He gave me a crazy look and asked me "Do you really have to ask me that?! You know perfectly well you are controlling!" So I was confused and then I got defensive then, angry. I asked myself why did I get angry though. I guess because I know it is true. I am controlling. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionaryhttp://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=controlling
to exercise restraining or directing influence over : REGULATE http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=regulate b : to have power over : RULE http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=rule
Ok so, maybe I am somewhat controlling but, if he will look at himself as well he will see that we control each other.
Maybe that is why we have such big problems.
We are going to Marriage Counseling starting at the end of July. Pray for us.
There is too much to talk about on this subject so, I will end it here but, if you have any comments I would be happy to hear/see them.

Have A Great Fourth Of July Weekend Everyone!

2005-07-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

We are going to Galveston, Texas tomorrow. Hope and I are. Keith and Cody are staying here for some male bonding time. We plan to swim and Hopefully we will have no incidents like Jenifer had with the Dolphins. I am going to buy a waterproof camera and, take as many pictures as possible tomorrow of Hope and all that we do.
A friend and I are going and we are taking her car because we have very high mileage on our car.
So have a safe and Happy Fourth of July everyone!

One of my best friends

2005-07-01T08:54:00.000-07:00
I have a friend. Surprising, I know. Here is a pretty picture of her.
Her husband, Eric, is in Bagdad right night. She is a Marine's wife. I have known her since 1998. We worked together at TDCJ sort of. Long story, must be saved for another time cause I do not want this blog to be a novel today, you savey?
Anyway, she lived in Texas until she got married and then Sept 15, 2003, she just left me!

I know, I can not believe it either!! How could she do such a thing!!? Just get married and leave for California. She left I mean, she did not just move out of town she deserted me completely.
She was homesick for months and said the word "divorce" a few times in her phone conversations to me but, then she started making friends and, decided that divorce was not a good idea after all.
Then, Eric came back from Iraq the first time and, right after he left to go back, she found out she was pregnant!!
Wohoo! Ok now she has a sweet little boy named Phillip, who is just sooo cute!!
Here is a picture right after she had him and you can tell she is adjusting to motherhood(she is going to kill me when she sees this but, I cannot help but post it.

I just wanted anyone who read this to know how much I love and appreciate her. She has been there for me through some pretty hard times.
Have a great day everyone and happy blogging!!

I did something soooo stupid!!

2005-06-30T19:29:00.000-07:00
I changed my template and lost all of my costumizing on my page. Now I have to redo my whole page.
I will have the links back on ASAP. I am sorry if you do not see your name for your link to the page. I goofed.
I am so bummed about it too!!

Also I am staying home from work today because when Keith walked outside a bug flew up his nose and stung him. He snorted and blew it out but we are not sure what kind of bug it was so, I am staying home to make sure he does not have any kind of allergic reaction. Boy, oh boy, the strange things that happen to my family!!

I know I am doing something right...

2005-06-29T16:35:00.000-07:00
I know I am because the devil has been bombarding me the last 2 days.
Count it all joy when sufferings abound...I think is what the bible says. I am trying to count it all joy.
Pray for me. I will pray for you.

Gotta go get ready for work now...

My dad had his surgery!

2005-06-18T16:02:00.000-07:00
My dad is in a private room now and is doing fine. He is on simi-solid foods and should be able to go home on Monday.
Thank you for all of your prayers!!

My Dad

2005-06-16T12:16:00.000-07:00
You may never know how good you have it in life until something horrible happens to knock you on your butt!

This is my dad Jan 2004
Two days ago I came home from working all night to 3 messages on the answering machine from my mother. The words "Cardiac ICU" and "anurism" (sp?) were used.
I showered and left to go to the hospital that he had been lifeflighted to as quickly as possible.

I have been back and forth for the past 2 days emotionally and mentally and physically going back and forth from Huntsville to Houston.
I realize that my dad and I have an excellent relationship with my dad.

They have found that it was not his heart, it was his gallbladder. Tomorrow morning he will have his gallbladder removed.

Today is the first day for dh and I to start eating different..

2005-06-12T10:44:00.000-07:00
...to loose weight.

I need to go from this

(Age 30 sorry about the messy computer desk)
to this

(me at 18 at camp in Kerrville Texas)

before August. Well, or something close to the second picture. I know I can not substitute obesity for skinny and also look as young as the second picture but, of course, just an older version of the second one.
Believe it or not, that is me in both pictures. I was hot, I know it. LOL!
The dress could have been purple or blue or yellow but, no I had to pick pink with white polkadot. Oh well, that is still my best picture.
Anyway, I have a deadline to get skinny for. It's the country colgate showdown in Conroe Texas.
I have been waiting to compete for a year.
Here is the link:
http://www.kstarcountry.com/pages/highlights/colgate.htm
KStar is a great radio station too.
Here is the link for the actual contest:
http://www.colgatecountryshowdown.com/
Sex sells. It's simple. I need to look sexy. To do that, I need to loose some lbs. I know it. I accept it. Now, I need to find out the quickest easiest way to loose weight safely and my body to be healthy.
That is the real challenge.

I already have a song picked out. Can't tell you what it is, then, I would have to kill you. No seriously, I really haven't told anyone. I feel like it is bad luck to reveal the song for your performance before you get on stage.
The only people who will know are my family because I am going to practice it like crazy.
Anyway, I hope this has been sortof an exciting read for you. If you read this far, well, you are just an angel.... :)

Ohh! One more thing to add!! Before you go thinking that I feel bad about myself and, I feel like I need to loose weight to impress people and yada yada yada....don't forget how difficult the music industry is and I want to go into it with my best foot forward. I think if that foot is skinny, I might have a better chance of making it. I hope you understand that.

Photobucket

2005-06-12T08:23:00.000-07:00
This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Local Auditons almost over!!

2005-05-26T09:38:00.000-07:00
I called "The Ranch" in Midland Texas today to find out there is only one week left to qualify locally before the regional contest starts. So, I can either quit stressing about the local contest and pay $50 for the regional contest or, I can go all the way to Midland, Texas twice.
Now that I have written it out, it would make more sense to just pay the 50 bucks and go out there once. It would be cheaper than going there and back twice.
If I was made out of money I would go twice but, things being as they are, me supporting a family of 4 on my paycheck, I think I will just send the $50 when I get paid.
I really would like the extra practice by going locally but, I will just do some karaoke here in my town a couple of times a week. There is a bar not 5 minutes from my house and they have karaoke 3 nights a week there. Thirty minutes from here they have karaoke in another town at a bigger bar. I can practice there too.

I am a little frustrated that I will not be able to compete at the local level to see what it is like but, I will survive. I have missed out on things before in the past. I'm no stranger to the rain...as Keith Whitley said.

Auditon

2005-05-25T21:57:00.000-07:00
There is an audition for the National Kaoroke contest comming up. Actually it has already started and lasts through the beginning of September. I am debating about auditioning.
There are Auditions comming up for the show Nashville Star, as well. I actually would like to audition for it. It is like the country version of American Idol. Meranda Lambert who sings "Me and Charlie talkin" came from Nashville Star.
I guess I just need to pray and ask God what I should do.

Correctional Officer

2005-05-05T14:51:00.000-07:00
I am looking for a new job. I did not want to be a correctional officer to begin with but, now I really don't.
I work 12 hour shifts and it is killing my feet having to stand up all night.
On my days off I know what a vampire must feel like(not that I believe in those but, if their really were vampires) because when I go out in the sun it's horrible to me. I am so used to being outside when it is dark now that I really don't like to do much of anything but sleep in the daytime.
It makes me feel so lazy.

I have checked the paper and tomorrow(since today the offices of tdcj are closed because of cinco de mayo)I am going up to tdcj-hr and look for a clerical job in the day time.
Keith is trying to find a job at night so we can start saving some more money than what we are saving.
Anyway, just pray for us.....

This may be way to much information for some(sex related)

2005-05-02T09:04:00.000-07:00
I finally got some last night. I am married but because of my husband’s health, for a long time we didn’t want to do it or just didn’t have the drive until last night. It was amazing!!
Of course it could have been better for him but, because we had not done it in so long I was hell bent on pleasing him and so he …well he finished first.
Oh well, anyway, I feel like shouting it from the mountain tops but since I don’t live around any, I will just say it on here.
I have to pay bills today but I feel like I can face anything because my husband and I connected not in just a physical way last night but, our souls connected because we spent a lot of time last night together talking, watching tv and just bonding by making sure the kids knew that what I said was the same thing that daddy was going to say.
It may seem like very little to some but, to me, it took a long time for us to get to this point.
Last May he was near death because of his drinking and now I feel closer to him than I have since we got married. Isn’t it funny how life works?
Oh I contribute it all to God in Heaven because I have been praying to be a better wife, better mother and be more devoted to God so…Thank You God for changing my marriage to something wonderful...

Where has the time gone?

2005-04-17T03:58:00.000-07:00
My daughter will be nine years old next month. It seems like yesterday I was giving her her first bath. It is exciting and sad at the same time to think of how quickly she is growing up. We just rented and watched the movie "Finding Neverland". It is one of the best movies I have ever seen.
I remember a particular line in the movie where I believe that Johnny Depp states "Time is chasing after us..."
That is so true.
Everytime it catches up to me I find I have a new streak of gray hair to color or a new wrinkle. What really petrifies me though is how quickly my children are growing.
My daughter's first 8 birthday's have come and gone. We had her birthday at CiCi's Pizza last year. I can even remember the presents she got but, the reason why is not because I have such a great memory it is because it seems like her eighth birthday was really just last week, not last year.
Her shoe size is a size bigger this year and she likes the little hip hugger pants that are so in style. She wants to dress like Jessica Simpson(of course wanting something and getting it or two different things I think my exact words about her getting a bra were "hell no!" she doesn't even have ant bite boobies yet!and she already wants a bra!!).
I am not ready to see her grow up but, I guess READY OR NOT! SHE WILL!!

So, now I am planning her party.
Have a great day and give your kids plenty of hugs and kisses today because time flies quickly then, they are grown and moved away from us....

Is my life boring?

2005-04-07T03:07:00.000-07:00
I often wonder where the excitment goes when there are no problems in my life.
Maybe I create problems so I will not be bored. Need to evaluate that and sincerely think and ponder that point, I believe.
I get up. I wake Hope up. I have her get dressed. Whether I am taking her to school or she is catching the bus, I either "make" her breakfast-cereal bar and some milk or, she eats in the cafeteria at school.
Get her to school or on the bus then I do laundry and clean house till Cody wakes up. Then I change his diaper, give him breakfast or whatever.
Then we either play together or we go somewhere were he can play for a while.
Keith sortof does his own thing and we are both fine with that.
It just seems that since he is not drinking and we are not fighting like we used to, my life is so boring. I am glad there are no problems right now KNOCK ON WOOD but, ....
Is my life boring?
When I work I have no time to do all the things I want to do. I just joined Curves for Women today, so things will be a little more stressed and I am watching what I eat more.
Is my life just "normal" now or is it just plain boring? or both? is a normal life boring? I have never had a normal life before now so I can even answer my own question.
That's all I really have to share.

Love and hugs to all who read(unless you are a sicko or a wacko and, I hope you don't take that wrong!!)

Today is a brand new day!!

2005-03-28T09:22:00.000-08:00
Today I start all over,
fresh and new,
today I have lots of time to make mistakes,
to do good things too.
Today I start all over,
I will try again.
To be the wife and mother,
the play friend to my children,
my husband's perfect lover.

Today I start all over,
I will organize my home
and be the person my family will be
proud of to say "she's my wife" , "she's my mom".

Although I may fall short, although I may stumble and fall
flat on my face, skinning my nose, running my hose,
and have little pebbles of stone embedded deep in my hands,
and a bandaid on my knee,
I can say,
at the end of my day,
Tomorrow is a brand new day!!
I will try again to be the perfect wife, the perfect lover,
the perfect best buddy to my children, the mother who knows
just what to say at just the perfect moment.

Although I will probably stumble and I may fall, I will dust off my pants,
and wash my hands, I will be able to say...
I tried and I failed, instead of what is 100% worse.
Never trying at all.

Emotional Mess

2005-03-12T22:14:00.000-08:00
Gonna make this really short. I think I have some hormonal problems. I don't want to have sex. It has nothing to do with Keith. I just feel if I never had sex again, I would be fine with it. Is that a normal way to feel for a 30 year old woman with 2 kids?Who has been married for 7 years?
I have dreams about other men, I mean sexual dreams but, they really don't arouse me when I think of them after I wake up.
Don't know what's the matter with me. I think I should talk to my doctor maybe.

Time Machine

2005-03-06T15:16:00.000-08:00
Can anyone of us change the events of the past? I supposed if we had a time machine that we built with all of our technology and knowledge we could but as far as I know, no one has built a time machine.
Why worry about what we can not change? Past, Present or Future?
Are there things that we can change? Things that we can control. Yes. Our weight, The way we conduct ourselves, if you train them right, our husbands (evil grin inserted).
I went to church this morning and I learned a wonderful thing.
Here is a little info about me.
When I was 21 I had a really close friend, Christy, that I had been friends with since 4rth grade(she was in 10 and I was 11-I think that would make me be in 4rth her her be in 4rth grade, someone was in 4rth grade!!) I was the girlfriend of a guy named Scott at the time. Well, I found out that he had sex with Stephanie Coleman(at 12 yrs old OMG!)and so I dropped him like a hot potatoe but, he was sooo cute and, even after I met Steve and he was going with Chrissy Sutherland but, I kept looking out of the corner of my eye to see if he was looking at me and then Christy and him became boyfriend and girlfriend because Chrissy moved to Navasota and they didn’t want a long distance relationship.
Well, Steve got together with Christy but it didn’t last long cause he tried to French kiss her and she almost threw up so they broke up(it also had to do with a church lock in that Christy found out that Steve and I sat and talked all night, actually it was a rock-a-thon so she broke up with him for those 2 reasons) . Well, so Scott and Steve had no girlfriends and Christy and I had no boyfriend but, I liked Steve and Christy liked Scott.
Well, so Steve and I got together and Scott and Christy got together. Steve and I were inseperable and the same went for Scott and Christy. We were all really good friends too.
So, when Scott and Christy had dated a while, Christy was 17 I think. She announced she was pg!! So she finished school at a alternate school so she could work part time and Scott did the same. I was bridesmaid in their wedding and then…
Sept 1 1993 Steve decided to leave town to take a break before he went to college. Basically, this is what I know now. I was smothering him and he wanted to get away from me. He left and a few weeks later said he wanted to see other people. Ironically he didn’t want to have a long distance relationship(as he had told Chrissy Sutherland so he could be with my best friend Christy).
So we broke up(well he told me he had already been seeing someone else anyway so I loved him so I set him free).
In my pride, I thought “he’ll come back to me”. Then His mom told me he was engaged. I still thought, he will come back to me.
Then he got married I still thought “ they will have a horrible marriage, he will divorce her and come back to me” well,
They have been married 10 years now. They married August 6, 1994. They have 4 beautiful children. I finally realized that my thinking was prideful and he would never come back to me. (See I had never been rejected until then so I did not know that it could happen to me. I could not accept that it would ever happen to me. I was depressed for YEARS. Still am probably.)
The reason why I know this is because I saw him last September. Actually it was a party for his parents that I really had no clue he would be at. I think a part of me hoped he would be but, anyway,…..back to the original reason for writing this.
I slept with Scott after Christy and him had become separated. I got pg with my daughter.
I can never change that. Why can’t I just accept it and go on with life but, I wish I could reconsile with her and start over but, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.
I can’t say I blame her but, I wish I could invent a time machine and go back and change that I slept with her husband.
Well, since I can not change the past I need to pray, ask God to help me through these current trials and ask him to heal those feelings I have from all of that in my youth. That is what I learned today at Church.

Disconnected

2005-02-15T02:34:00.000-08:00
I work long hours at night. I work 4 days a week for 12 hours a night so normally when my world is sleeping I am awake. When I am sleeping my world is awake. Now what I mean by my world is pretty much my town. I do not go anywhere normally. We are trying to save money and I love being at home on a normal basis when I am off to spend time with my family but, most of the time I just feel disconnected from everyone and everything.
I go to a message board and have been for the past few years. I know about a wonderful group of women's personal lives and they know very little about me. I post things but, it is not as often as I would like and I would really like to get involved with them but, my husband, being the paranoid person that he is, is afraid of course that they might not be who they say they are and, I might end up hacked up into little pieces or something. Go figure! Men! Anyway,
normally though, I come home from work, get my daughter on the bus at 7am and stay up for a while and then sleep for at least 6 hrs in the daytime. When I get up I have about 1 hour to an hour and a half to get things together and then get ready for work.
I have little or no time to talk to my husband and a brief hug and kiss goodbye is the most that we have a lot of times on the days that I work.
I am a little embarrassed to say that we do not sleep in the same bed when I am off work because he snores really loud and I am a very light sleeper. That does not help with our connection either, I know that but, what helps and what does not help is not my issue it is just how I feel.
We discuss things when I am off work and have some communication but, for most of the month(20 days-4x4=16worked + 1st day that I am off I sleep most of the day=20 days)I just feel disconnected from everyone....
I know, isn't my life just sad? ha ha ha
I keep myself happy by cleaning and I love to sing so that cheers me up. I am not really as sad of a case as what is sounds but, I still feel disconnected when I work and I am working on thinking of ways to correct that feeling.

Friends

2005-02-03T12:15:00.000-08:00
John 15:13 13. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Is what Jesus Christ said.

Words: Deborah D. Smith
Music: Michael W. Smith

Friends

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can’t believe the hopes he’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone
’cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:And friends are friends forever
If the lord’s the lord of them
And a friend will not say never
’cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love god’s given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you’ll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone
’cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus

I have a couple of friends. Only one them lives in my home town. I met her when I worked with her. I can call her up anytime I want to go do something and she will go with me. She loves to get out of the house. We are "escape" friends. :) We enjoy bowling together or just going to have a cup of coffee and hanging out.

I have another friend I confide in about everything. She lives 30 min away from me. WE talk almost everyday on the phone. I try to go and see her but, most of the time I feel like I am in the way because she has 5 kids now. She doesn't feel that way but, I do. Know what I mean?
When Keith and I were having problems I could talk to her and there was no problem to big that she wouldn't help me with. My family all rejected me at one point and I felt utterly alone. When I called her she was hurt that I did not come to her house to stay. She was my saving grace. I knew at that point that God had placed her in my life for a reason.

Then, I have a couple of friends that I knew in high school that I have kept in touch with and they write to tell me how they are doing every once in a while.

There is another friend that lives in California. Her Husband is the one I wrote the story about "American Pride!" she is so dear to me. I talked to her yesterday and it hurts that she would rather be out in California than be in Tx while her husband is away but, she sees California as home now so, maybe I can pray that she will visit but, I won't hold my breath. She is just so set in her ways. She came down for Christmas but, her she had to take her son, Phillip to the ER and found out he had RSV so I couldn't see her because her son could not be around other small children :( I miss her so much. :(

I also have some friends I have never met before. There are a couple who do live in Texas but, most of them live out of state. They live all scattered all over the United States. They are the women I turn to when I have problems that I do not want anyone else to know about. I tell them secrets that some have been scared by and some think I am weird for but, who wouldn't. I am pretty weird sometimes but, they still love me.

I have been talking to these friends for the past few years(at least 2 years because my son was just a small baby when I first started talking to them).

Well, I just wanted to share about my friends.

:) Have a great day!!

2005-01-24T21:42:00.000-08:00
Yesterday my son became a year older.
I have often wondered what they think about at this age, how they like the world they are in and just basic thoughts like that.
Last night Cody slept with me in my bed. Recently he has become more and more apt to wake up at night. I think he has what my family calls "night ponies" because he is to small to have a "nightmare" get it? Night pony? Night-mare? Ok anyway, I know it's corny but I will get to my point. Since I work so much, when he wanted to sleep in my bed with me, I was over joyed! I layed him down in my bed and he did really good. He layed there playing with my pinky and my pointer finger and I think I fell asleep before he did but, as he got more and more relaxed I started stroking his little had and feeling his hair. He is just so sweet at that time when he is relaxing to go to sleep. I laughed because everytime I started to sing a song he would yell "no" no matter how relaxed he seemed, he just didn't want to hear a song lol. He is so funny.

I woke up this morning with him spread all over my bed. His arms were spread on both pillows, one was on my neck lol and his leg was almost under my hip. I have no idea how that was comfortable for him but he has about half the bed on his side but, he was all stuck up beside me. It was so sweet that he wanted to sleep up against me like that.
I feel guilty but, I need my sleep tonight so I am sortof hoping that he sleeps all night. He probably will. We had a long night.
We went to Palais Royal and Wal-mart and spent alot of time both places. We did not get home until almost 9pm tonight. Hope's normal bedtime is 7:45pm so we were rushing around trying to get the kids fed, bathed and in bed.
Then, Keith and I bought "I, robot" on direct tv pay per view and it was really good. It was alot better than what I expected because alot of ppl said it was not as good as they thought it would be.
Anyway, I am tired, I need to go to bed. Night night!

Well, my boy is 2 years old now and the next birthday in our family is my Brother-in-Laws. He will be 26 on Jan 26th(day after tomorrow).

Have a good night everybody!!

He got the job!!

2005-01-09T04:50:00.000-08:00
Keith starts his job at the Tax Service on Monday. He will work from 8-4:30 M-F and Saturday will be odd hours but, that's ok. I don't care. I am just so happy he got the job!!It is a great load off knowing he has a job for at least the next 4 mths or longer if she likes him and wants him to stay until August 15(that is the latest that people can have tax extentions).
THANK GOD IN HEAVEN HE HAS A JOB!!

I wanted to post about this sooner but....
I have been very sick for the past two days. What a way to start the new year.
Pray that I am back in action soon. I did wash dishes this evening so I must be feeling a little
better

Happy New Year!

2004-12-31T04:57:00.000-08:00
Here are my New Years Resolutions:

1.) To be the best mother I can be.
2.) To get our finances straightened out in the next few months and start paying bills off.
3.) To loose weight.
4.) Eat healthier(will help me with #3 resolution)
5.) Exercise more, eat less(will help me with #3 resolution)
6.) Be more serious when I should be.
7.) Look for a job that is less stressful and pays more.

If I think of anymore, I'll let you know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-23T04:57:00.000-08:00
I have to work Christmas day but, I wanted to wish everyone that reads this a Merry Christmas and do not forget the reason for this season.

Luke 2:3-20

Worship Jesus Christ our Lord on this day and remember he was born and that is the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Jennifer

2004-12-22T06:20:00.000-08:00
My best Friend name is Jennifer. I have known her since January 1997. When we met, we just clicked. You know how it is when you meet someone and feel like you have always known them, she is one of those people for me.
Well, she called me last night and just gave me news that had devastated me. Her cousin's daughter(her second cousin)who is only 3 yrs old was diagnosed with Cysitc Fibrosis(sp?).
Jennifer will now be tested to see if she has the gene for CF. If she does she will have her 5 kids tested as well.
Please pray for her.
She is closer to me than my own sister. I love her like a sister. It kills me to think that she could possibly have this gene. I know I am worrying about something that I do not know for sure that she has .
The more I read about it, the more it scares me.
Jennifer already has a very rare liver problem that causes her liver to become inflamed.
It just hurts me not knowing for sure yet if she has the gene.

PLEASE PRAY THAT WHEN SHE HAS HER TEST THAT SHE TESTS NEGATIVE FOR THE CF GENE!!

They Got Leave!

2004-12-16T07:27:00.000-08:00
My best friend, her name is Mary. Up until two years ago she lived in Texas.
We met in 1997. She had never lived outside of Texas but on September 14, 2002, she got married and Sept 15th moved to California. She was terrified but, then she got there, settled in and then found out about 4 months later, she's pg. Then Eric was called to duty in Iraq. She is the girl that I wrote about her husband "American Pride!".
Ok now we jump to the present. She called me and told me first that they wouldn't be comming to Texas for Christmas.....
I was very sad because they are in California and he was only going to get a liberty pass. That means that Mary and Eric would not be able to travel any further than I think a 200 mile radius outside of the base. Which was sad because they do not have any family in California. The closest relatives live in Arizona and they live more than 200 miles from them.
Mary called last night!!
She said she called me first, I know it's a bit childish but, I was glad that someone told me something before telling someone else. I always feel like I am the last to know everything.
Ok, anyway, she said they will be in Texas on the 23rd!! I will be going to Houston to see them on the 24th and eat lunch with them and see Philip, their beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed boy.
He is ADORABLE!
I am just so excited so I had to share it with the world!
Tonight we are putting up the christmas tree. It was supposed to go up last night but, we didn't get around to it. I hope we are able to tonight because this is my last night off work.

Ashleigh

2004-12-15T13:26:00.000-08:00
Normally, I am a pretty self absorbed person.
All I have thought about really for the past week is this little girl, this brave little person,
this Angel. Her name is Ashleigh. Right now she is fighting for her life.
She has Neuroblastoma cancer, Stage 4. The odds are stacked against her but,
there are so many people praying for her that I am sure she will make it.
You see this little girl, this sweet little innocent child, who has barely lived,
who has only seen the sun come up for three years, has only known a world of
mommy and daddy and doctors since the summer of 2004, is the bravest person
I have ever heard of.
She fights for her life one day, and the same day, the same hour, she is smiling again!
She is playing again, watching tv again. Her will is so strong that she has been brought back to life about 10 times. The last time was early morning, on the 14th.
Her parents are the sweetest people I have ever heard of. They have a baby named Ryan that they hardly see because they spend their time at work or bedside at the hospital with Ashleigh.
That beautiful, sweet girl. I never wished until now that I could grow up and be more like a 3 year old.

Here is her site.

http://www2.caringbridge.org/mi/ashleigh/

There is an email address for her Aunt if you wish to make donations to the family.
You can write to her for an address to send the money to.
They could really use the money.

If you can not donate please keep her in your prayers. Ask your church to pray for her. Bookmark the site and go back to check for updates.
If it is difficult for you, just try image your own child in the same situation or your niece or nephew. Then, it becomes very very easy.

Almost Left

2004-12-09T00:12:00.000-08:00
I have not really felt link writting for the past few days.
Friday, not only did Hope have the chicken pox but, Keith, My husband
started drinking again. He has had an ongoing problem way before we got married.
I did not realize how serious it was because I was just told by friends that he
he had a "small" problem with alcohol in the past. Well, it was not a small problem.
This problem was the kind where people had to come to his house to make sure he got
to work when he was supposed to, things like that. The kind of problem where people would just "drop by" to see if he was still alive. Yes, his problem was very serious.
He started drinking again right after our son was born. When he did not quit, he almost
drank himself to death, literally. The doctor said, is a 36 year old man, in a 75 year old mans body. We decided the best thing for him after one DWI(Driving While Intoxicated) and a PI(Public Intoxication)that rehab would be the best solution for him. We hoped that the judge would be strick on the DWI and require a 30 day rehab program, my Father-in-Law even talked to the judge and it did not do any good.
He was given a $500 slap on the wrist. We sent him to rehab anyway. Well, they do not have 30 day rehab programs anymore. He only stayed a WEEK, yes, A WEEK. Well, I figured that was better than nothing.
It worked until last Friday when he was cleaning an old junk pile and found a very old very full beer. He decided to "see if it was still good" and held his nose and drank it down. The result was, he went to the store and bought a box of 30 beers and drank more than half of them.
I told him I was leaving him but, being wishy-washy, I was talked out of it by a very good friend. I am glad I did not leave because Friday was the last day he drank.
His mother and Uncle came to the house and talked to him, talked sense into him because he is back to the Keith I know and love.
My Mother-in-Law is mad at me for saying I was going to leave but, not leaving but, I know that Keith knows if he continued he would have been here alone. I talked very openly to rental managers and Rental trucks. He was scared sober.
Well, anyway, I just wanted to update and let everyone know I am still alive and kicking!

We are putting our christmas tree up tomorrow. I am very excited about that. I have presents that I am wrapping tonight to put under it. I can hardly wait!

When It Pours

2004-12-02T01:33:00.000-08:00
Today I took Hope to the doctor to see if her bumps were Chicken Pox or Measles-they are Chicken Pox. I left then I realized I forgot the note to return to work. I thought, I will go to the pharmacy, drop the prescription off, get the kids something to eat, pick up the perscription and then head to the clinic again. So, that is what I did. The perscription costs put a hole in my pocket. Oh well.
So, I get to the clinic but, when I pulled into the parking space I did not notice the big Ford
F-250 parked directly behind me in a no parking zone/tow away zone.
So, of course you can guess what I did. Yep! You guessed it! I backed into it!!
Of course, it turned out to be one of the Doctor's there. My day just went from bad to worse. So we get each other's information and his truck has a tiny dent right up beside the back bumper and my whole taillight was busted out.
My best friend and hubby both asked "how fast were you backing out?" I don't know. I didn't have my eye on the odometer as I was pulling out. I was worried about Hope and her Pox!
Well, the evening was so bad that I ordered pizza. I really can't afford it but, my day sucked so I had to.
I am useless. Spoiled and for a lack of a better word, a brat.
I am just glad this day is over!!

Drinking Again.

2004-11-30T02:11:00.000-08:00
Keith is drinking again. He started today. It has been 4 months since his last drink. I asked him because he didn't tell me, he just started and used breath mints to mask the smell. When I ask him, he said yes but, I had a feeling he was. He was acting weird and even Hope said he was acting weird.
I don't know what to do. I just don't know.
I am disappointed, angry, sad, frustrated, and several other emotions I feel right now that I can even put into words.
How could he do this? Why? Doesn't he love me? He says he does. What I have learned is Alcoholics are very selfish.
That is what I am afraid of. I need a way out. I will not put the kids through all the they went through again. I won't. That is a promise to myself and whoever else is reading this.

American Pride!

2004-11-29T07:19:00.001-08:00

There is a certain Pride you feel,
When you hear about a friend,
A loved one,
Dressed in their best,
Defending the country.
There is a certain Pride that you feel,
when you learn of a victory,
Of a battle that has not been published in the papers,
Or Tv.
You know then that the person you love, care about,
Have the pleasure of being acquanted with,
Is not looking for glory, being vain,
Not trying to find a spotlight but,
Doing his or her job.
Protecting our Freedom
or someone else's.
I have the pleasure of knowing one of these men.
One of the Few, One of the Proud, a Marine.

http://www.usmc.mil/marinelink/image1.nsf/Lookup/2004315194655/$file/Release0125-2004-02low.jpg
He is my best friend's husband. He was in Iraq for eight months.
It was very difficult for her. She was 4 months pregnant when he left and when he got back home to the States he had to get to meet his baby boy, Phillip, for the first time.
He is now stationed in California but there are rumors that he will have to return to Iraq soon.
He would hate to have to go for his family's sake but, is eager and ready to go to serve his country.

Time To Myself

2004-11-29T05:56:00.000-08:00
Last night I decided it was about time that I had a little time to myself.
I left the kids with Hubby whose looks made me feel guilty because I realize he needs time to himself also.
I shrugged off the feeling and got my car keys. My sweet eight year old was already in bed and my 22 month old was acting like it was the middle of the afternoon. He was very rambunchous.
I left and went to a book store/coffee house that I frequent when having alone time.
I normally pick a book that I can not afford because my philosophy is if you can not buy it at least you can read it all little by little and then you won't have to buy it. I know, I'm rotten. I ordered a Mocha with whipped cream. Who cares if it wasn't low fat.
I found the final book in Stephen King's Dark Tower Series and settled into an oversized comfy chair in the corner of the book store. I have already read three chapters. I am hoping that I will get a gift certificate to the book store for Christmas so I can buy the last two books that I don't have.
I stay there until five minutes before closing and leave.
Unfortutely, at 11pm there is nothing to do in my town so the only other choices I had were to go eat fast food or go to the grocery store. I ate at a Chinese Buffet for lunch so I decided to go to the grocery store(isn't my life so exciting? wake up! wake up!ha ha ha). I got what we needed and headed home.
Oh, I forgot to mention at the book store there is also video sales/rentals. I rented "Cruel Intentions". I have never seen it.
I finally got to sleep this morning at about 3a.m. after hubby and I had what we like to call a "discussion" in our house. No, it did not require talking either.
I was back up this morning at 6:30a.m. to see Hope off on the school bus.
I really needed that alone time last night and what I got at 3 a.m. I am so much more relaxed today.

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low